I am very grateful to have been awarded a three-month research grant - Develop Your Creative Practice (DYCP) - by the Arts Council of England. I am currently organising on-site research in Lincolnshire for July - crossing fingers with the Covid roadmap.
DYCP
The Sculptor Speaks was nominated for an Ivor Novello Award in the Sound Art category at the Ivors Composer Awards 2020. I was delighted, how wonderful to be part of such a celebration of talents across the UK. The ceremony due to take place at the British Museum was cancelled, due to covid, but replaced with a broadcast on BBC Radio 3. I am very grateful for this nomination, it brought visibility to my project, and that means a lot, especially in the context of this challenging year. Sound artist Kathy Hinde was awarded the Ivor Novello in Sound Art for her excellent project ‘Twittering Machines’.
The Sculptor Speaks is a resounding of a 1961 recording of Barbara Hepworth’s voice, premiered on Resonance Extra, followed by an audio-visual iteration.
Watch ‘The Sculptor Speaks’ https://vimeo.com/438255942
15 December 2020
This week marks covid + 9. I have long covid.
Between the two weeks’ flu-like symptoms and the hospitalisation often leading to death, there is us, the long haulers. I’ve been wanting to write about my experience for a while, I was worried revealing something private, but the necessity of raising awareness on the long effects of covid overrides my usual reserve.
On the long covid cases, Danny Altman professor of immunology at Imperial College tells us that:
These figures are somewhat more worrying even than many had feared. If one extrapolates to global Covid-19 cases, this means there are 5-10 million people out there with a long-term condition for which we have no current explanation and no treatment plan. (…) There was no information on how long the condition lasts.[1]
I am on corticosteroids, Prednisolone 10 mg. This is a game changer; I can do things without the need of constantly having to rest after an activity. I have so much more energy - it is a drug. Until I started this medicine - two weeks ago - I was learning to pace myself. “Do one thing, rest, do another” was my motto. I’ve had several relapse episodes since March, I have been on antibiotics twice this year, and twice on the Otomize ear spray, a topical corticosteroid. Somehow, I have managed to complete my Barbara Hepworth project, and my masters thanks to an extension deadline, but it has been an incredibly challenging year. I can ‘t be on corticosteroids for ever, I am due to start decreasing the dosage soon. We will see.
To date I have yet to see a specialist. I have been referred urgently to ENT, and respiratory medicine but there aren’t any appointments available. The NHS is overstretched. I have had two consultations with Covid Rehabilitation over the phone. Emma, my consultant is lovely and she is also providing psychological support.
“Why me?”
The first consultation with Covid Rehab lasted an hour, gathering data we so can survey the long covid patients. But what about the Long Covid clinics, will they roll out shortly?
Soon we’ll understand how this virus operates, why my father got over it with no lingering symptoms and why I never completely recover. From the start, I had a multitude of symptoms, we now know that this is more likely to lead to long covid.
What we went through in March…I’m only just about coming to terms with it. I was not tested and could not see a GP until June. Being ill at home in quarantine, being worried that my husband and son would develop symptoms, that was incredibly challenging. I started developing a fever mid-March, very quickly things escalated, I had many symptoms besides the fever: cough, headache, ringing in the ears, earache, crackling sounds when inhaling, wheezing, tight chest, exhaustion, nausea… I called 111. They said “you are doing the right thing by calling us”. I mentally repeated “I am doing the right thing”. They said “as you know we are not testing people unless hospitalised”. I was to call back if I was experiencing respiratory distress.
I was isolating in the loft and I could hear Paul saying at the window “we are in self-isolation, just drop the stuff on the door step”. We had to get used to this new way of living. Maybe I just had flu?
On Day 9, Paul started to experience cold-like symptoms, his voice became lower… I was so worried for him, us…But no that was it, short-lived, and then he was fine.
A couple of weeks after I developed small cuts on all my finger’s joints, like tiny open wounds, thick patches, it was hell…The exhaustion was unbearable. I was told the skin reaction on the fingers can be triggered by the virus. “You must be patient”. “I must rest, be patient” I repeated.
Then my father in Paris developed a fever and a cough, he was tested positive, so was my step mother, she was positive/asymptomatic. I was never tested. The isolation with no medical support was taking its toll. I was dreaming of getting on my bicycle and going to the sea front… that was my goal. And then we did something extraordinary, we applauded our NHS workers. We united as a nation. I was infuriated by the lack of support, the lack of PPE and testing for our front-line key workers.
I was hoping I would eventually manage to do something meaningful, perhaps take a book or draw, but I was not yet ready. Then I eventually managed to sit under the sun in the garden, that was wonderful. How illness makes you re-evaluate tiny things. One morning, I went out for a brisk walk with Paul. I came back coughing and wheezing.
Once I got out of bed, and managed to do things around the house, I thought that was it, I’m feeling better, but then I entered another trying phase. I attempted too rapidly to do too many things and would often have to lay down and rest. I went back to online tai chi first, I was short of breath but I believe that tai chi did help my rehabilitation. I eventually went back to my kung fu training, I was doing my best, was at times fine, but then would have terrible days after, the crushing fatigue would come and go… and so little by little I realised “I am not fine”. I am not fine. This phase of lingering symptoms has lasted ever since. The cough never left me completely, a productive cough, the wheezing would come back at times, a crackling sound inside whilst breathing. I’ve had several chest infections since. And I developed another weird rash on my ankle, at times it is purple and flares up.
How can the outside world fully understand what goes on inside? I appeared fine – I was no longer bed-ridden, I had survived covid, but it felt like the virus was still in me. I was oscillating, with constant ups and downs depending on my activities.
Since I fell ill mid-March, I’ve had constant tinnitus, the right side is a pulsatile tinnitus (a whooshing sound synchronised to my heartbeat). The left side is a high pitch. Both sounds are there constantly, when I wake up, when I go to sleep. My fear is to lose my hearing – as a sound artist, imagine. I booked myself in for a test at Specsavers in August and my range of frequencies was still very good. So many people on the Long Covid Facebook support group experience severe tinnitus. I have tried to accept these internal sounds, and embrace them. This is the new me? Yes, it is the new me. My body is emitting these new sounds, they are my own soundtrack. I very quickly understood that if I was rejecting it mentally, it would drive me insane. There are moments it tightens my head, giving me a headache, it is exhausting, but I try to accept it. Am I going to stay like that? I can’t wait to see a ENT, I need reassurance that hopefully there is no damage to the inner ear. My GP reckons that the virus has attacked the nerves, and she says that it can take a very long time to heal. Dr A. is great, I am fortunate I am being followed by her, she is due to check on me first week of January. I have a lot of time for her. Will this whooshing sound in my head - synchronised with my heartbeat- ever go? I was hoping the corticosteroids would reduce the tinnitus too but it hasn’t.
Reading the messages from people on the Facebook the Long Covid support group [4], I am thankful I can walk the stairs, and have resumed my activities. But covid is not solely a respiratory issue. It triggers inflammation, it appears from a latest research that the autoantibodies attack our own immune system.[2] , thus explaining a whole range of debilitating symptoms. Reading other people’s testimonies on the support group, I have found out that some people who’ve had a similar experience to me - covid in March/not tested - have found themselves in a difficult situation: they can’t get sick pay because they have no evidence that they had covid in the first place, nor can they get their insurance - in the USA - to cover their medical bills. This is tragic.
We need more resources for long covid, we need to nurture our health system. This pandemic reflects how advanced - or not – society is: if we can’t look after each other in illness, then we are failing. The virus has revealed the weakness in our health services and welfare.
Last spring, I was dreaming of a vaccine and I very much welcome the breakthrough from the Oxford team. Yes, I am pro-vaccine. Why is it that so many people tend to forget that if we have eradicated so many horrendous diseases, it is thanks to peer-reviewed medical research?
I am training tomorrow - a one-to-one class - in the park outdoor with my martial art instructor. Shaf has tailored my training and whenever I’ve had flare ups of cough, shortness of breath, we have been alternating between tai chi and kung fu forms.
I am hoping I will finally see medical specialists in 2021. I have been wanting to write an account on long covid for months but… it has taken me a while.
Stay safe, wear a mask. I wear a mask to protect you. You wear a mask to protect me.
The anti-maskers were operating during the great 1918 pandemic, they operate today. Wearing a mask does not diminish your manhood, Paul Watson[3]. It makes us human, caring for others.
Take care
o
[1] https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/dec/16/long-covid-alarm-as-21-report-symptoms-after-five-weeks
[2] https://www.theguardian.com/science/2020/dec/13/autoantibodies-may-be-driving-severe-covid-cases-study-shows
[3] https://twitter.com/PrisonPlanet/status/1339092502272466945
This Friday my resounding of ‘The Sculptor Speaks' will receive its first transmission at 8pm (UK time) on Resonance Extra. https://x.resonance.fm/episodes/the-sculptor-speaks This first iteration is celebrating the date of birth of British sculptor Barbara Hepworth, 10th of January 1903.
The starting point for [Hepworth Resounds] was her extensive body of writings, which paved the way for SculptOr, a suite of nine pieces available as a sound object. However, I was also hoping to work with her voice as material… But I had yet to find it. When I discovered the existence of the 1961 tape ‘The Sculptor Speaks’, it made me feel like a sonic archaeologist! I spent a day at the British Library listening to digitised files: upon arrival I was allocated my own audio booth, I could listen to the audio documents, which I had pre-requested, amongst these documents was ‘The Sculptor Speaks’.
It took a few weeks to obtain the audio file of ‘The Sculptor Speaks’ from the British Library. Then time for me to approach the document and decide what I could do with the material, pondering which form this resounding could take. It was also intimidating. Besides, nurturing takes space; for me composition has always been a durational process, mostly because I need to spend a long moment with the material, I don’t want to rush nor part with it. As Hepworth says “I like to have a lot of material lying about the studio for a long time even for years so that I feel intimate with each piece”. Recently I wanted to find out more about the device used to record and the actual physical tape so I contacted the British Library. Lead Curator, Literary and Creative Recordings, Stephen Clearly provided me with some valuable information for my research. He ordered the tape and the CD created from that tape from their Yorkshire unit and sent me photographs of the original tape and box.
“We have the original 7” ‘master’ tape plus two copies (shelved at the same reference number): these are 7” and 5” diameter respectively. The copies were not made by the British Library – they were made by the British Council before we received the collection. These copy tapes have references to Finland and Bucharest, Romania, respectively, on the inner boxes. I presume these tapes were sent to British Council offices in these places. The audio file I have was made from a CD-R transfer of the analogue master, which was made in October 2000. “
Once the voice is recorded and stored it is somehow abandoned, in waiting; a sound object, which can potentially be at a later stage revisited by the artist, engaging with the material and bringing a new dimension.
The broadcast on Resonance Extra will be the first iteration: a sketch in stereo. Certain frequencies have to be reduced, I will miss the physical aspect, but it is wonderful that it is being transmitted. On her date of birth, the sculptor will speak, indeed.
Many thanks to Stephen Cleary at British Library.
Thank you to Sophie Bowness, trustee of the Hepworth Estate / DMSA, University of Brighton / Peter and Milo at Resonance FM.
#hepworthresounds
I am finally unveiling SculptOr. Three years in the making, I am excited and nervous. The starting point was Barbara Hepworth’s extensive body of writings, which is superbly assembled by Sophie Bowness in Writings and Conversations (Tate publishing, London, 2015). I am grateful to Ms Bowness, trustee of the Hepworth Estate for her continued support.
Throughout my research I discovered that Hepworth had recorded a tape herself in her art studio in St Ives; this lead to the development of resounding The Sculptor Speaks, which will be premiered on Resonance FM. Naturally I visited the Sculpture Garden in St Ives, a true enchantment and the Hepworth Wakefield Museum too.
For a project inspired by Barbara Hepworth, it is appropriate that hers should be the opening voice on the album. In ‘Use Your Own Body’ I re-sculpted Hepworth’s voice in the first moments until handing over her text to my voice for the remainder of the compositions.
“The sound of a mallet or hammer is music to my ears, when either is used rhythmically, and I can tell by sound alone what is going on.” Barbara Hepworth
Below is a video trailer of [Hepworth Resounds], which features excerpts from track 1 ‘Use Your Own Body’, track 5 ‘I, The Sculptor’ and track 3 ‘ I Draw What I Feel In My Body’. All text by Barbara Hepworth.
I have made a sound object with Jesse Holborn handling the artwork design, hope you will enjoy it! From today you can pre-order your copy of SculptOr (deluxe digipack CD) here, https://catwerkimprint.bandcamp.com/album/sculptor and get an immediate download of the track ‘The Weaver’, thank you for your support! It means the world.
O
After having been poorly (I’m often ill in November), I am now back working on resounding the tape, running behind the train! The Sculptor Speaks is a resounding of a 1961 recording of Barbara Hepworth’s voice, shining a singular light on her creative process. I am enjoying every moment of it. Yesterday I extended a section, giving space to the words, which can appear at times too omnipresent.
“I am the figure in the landscape….a new sculpture… “ silence and repeat…
The question is how far do I abstract the words? The message conveyed needs to be clear and transmitted but then I want the voice to become abstract at times. I need to feel free. This is a constant negotiation.
The Sculptor Speaks will be broadcast in its version 1.0 on Resonance FM 10th of January 2020 (This first transmission celebrates her date of birth). Version 1.0 because it will be a stereo mix for the radio format; version 2.0 will be experienced physically in a space. I am currently studying for a Master’s degree at the DMSA, University of Brighton. The work on the tape forms the basis for my research, investigating the voice from preservation to resounding whilst taking further the voice of Hepworth into the physical space as a multi-speaker diffusion.
Recorded by Hepworth herself in her studio in St Ives, the tape’s initial purpose was for a recorded talk with slides for the British Council (original duration 32 mins). Recently I contacted the British Library to obtain further details on the original tape, I will share these findings with you soon… O
I have been commissioned to write for Juice Vocal. It is the first time I am writing for voices other than mine, this is a fascinating experience. So far I have sung the three voices as an aide memoir, but I can’t wait to hear the piece alive on the 19th of October at Kings Place, I hope you can make it. You can book your tickets here https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/contemporary/juice-vocal-ensemble-voices-of-venus/. Also commissioned are electronic music composer Gazelle Twin and multidisciplinary artist Nwando Ebizie.
In the steps of Data Regina, this continues my research into 16th century poetry with iconic figure Louise Labé, probably the most famous female poet of the French Renaissance. The composition will consist of a triptych of impressionistic touches from Louise Labé’s love sonnets, contrasting with an abrasive landscape as well as biographical elements, which will be incorporated in the form of spoken words.
I am currently preparing a ‘score’, not a classical score. I’m not trained enough to do so, after all classical score was not always in use: it was Guido of Arezzo who laid the foundation for notation as we know it in Western musical notation, besides I write with signals not symbols. So to help the three vocalists navigate my piece, I have combined a guide with text, key musical points and integrating at times screenshots of my Pro Tools session.
Last night I had tea, in London, with Juice vocalist Sarah Dacey as they are about to start rehearsing and we discussed the fact that researcher Mireille Huchon published a thesis (2006) arguing that Louise Labé was in fact an invention by a group of male writers conspiring to create the idea of a lovelorn female poet. This has been questioned since and personally I simply wonder why a group of male writers would spend time, energy devising such a plot, inventing a female character over an extensive period. Why such a pleasantry? For sure they must have had other tasks to accomplish pursuing their careers. No no no, Louise must have existed, she was not a “creature of paper” but of flesh, of words.
The three vocalists will embody Louise, “in male dress we ride”, real or enigma. Male, female, a creature of paper? Certainly, a feminist icon, Louise Labé with the self as a double, of multiple identities, is claiming “I am not a creature of paper”.
As you are here, we have launched a Kickstarter, raising funds to complete the project, following a few glitches. Please support us or/and share if you can, there are lots of exciting goodies for backers. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/juicevocalensemble/voices-of-venus-new-music-for-voices-and-electronics?ref=project_link
Thank you for your help and hope to see some of you at the London show for the premiere at Kings Place!
O
Louise Labé
I have migrated digitally to the U.K. http://www.dataregina.com and http://www.catwerkimprint.com remained, http://www.olivialouvel.com was lost at sea.